LotRO: When good cosmetics go bad

This is my not so humble Champion, Gasi Stynkrbottom, the Blameless. He’s a strong feller with pride in his dwarven manliness that would rival a hundred of those puny men from Bree! He eats heartily and drinks with passion. He often skips his next bath so people will know before he arrives that here comes a strong and fierce warrior. He’s downed many an opponent at the local watering hole in late night ale-fueled games of arm wrestling. The lassies often turn their heads and shield their faces and he knows why. They can’t handle looking such fine a specimen of male dwarveness in the eye. It’s just too much to behold!

It’s been awhile since he donned a fresh clean set of threads as you can see from the above picture. It takes a lot of gumption to preen in such a way while wearing dirty clothes! He decided it was time to find a bit of soap and a new outfit today. He made the trek home and searched through his chests hoping something fitting for a Champion of his stature would catch his eye. That’s when he saw them. Excitedly, he pulled out a new tunic and tried it on.

Poor, Gasi, couldn’t even hold his head up and wear them with pride. Though the material is a richly woven fabric, assumedly made by Elves he thinks, it’s managed to transform him from a fearsome warrior to a simple-minded pansy. It got worse, he realized, when he caught the reflection of his back in the stream by his house. See?

How will any Orc ever take him seriously anymore? Sure, they’ll be easier kills for him as they roll around the ground laughing at him. He doesn’t want easier kills, however. No! He wants to be feared at first sight! He wants Goblins to tremble when they hear his name! He wants Brigands to faint when they smell see him coming! This tunic, as beautifully done as it is, he feels, is far more suited for the females. Or male Elves. He’s resigned himself to wear his robe until the last thread has rotted off his manly torso. No one will laugh at Gasi Stynkrbottom, the Blameless, and get away with it!

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Posted on May 30, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. haha that dwarf looks hideous glad its not mine, he surely does look like an old momma after too much makeup. Cosmetics will only destroy you in the end

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